Embracing

Reminding myself  -again- that this blog is writing for me. I could use pen and paper (and do) but there’s something equally satisfying about tapping away on a keypad. Perhaps it’s the ease of editing? Perhaps it’s the relief of not having to peer at my own scrawl and being relieved of the burden of having to think “what does that say? ” Who knows? More often than not questions turn out to be more important than the answers anyway!

So now we’ve gone through the important reminder that this blog is for me (not merely about me, God forbid) I want to sit up and note – honestly- that these digital etchings are my perspective and when fictional my imaginings. There’s probably something egotistical in that Can there be any I without any ego? I wonder.

I used to read a lot of blogs. A lot. I’ve made some very good friends along the way. I found people who shared some of my hopes and longings, people who inspired and encouraged me to think outside of the box, and those with whom I disagreed (a lot) but who nonetheless helped shape my thinking and argumentation.

Then came Facebook, then Twitter, Instagram. All good, but what they brought was instant connection and snapshots. Important, yes very! And addictive in a very different way to blogging. We could agree by liking without the need to engage meaningfully, or to justify our thinking, and no response back was needed, often not even looked for. We were lured into thinking we were dialoging, but actually falling into the trap of like minded people bolstering our egos and keeping our emotions tamed.

I want to feel – deeply,passsionately,(almost)  without reservation, to think, to see and be seen, to be heard but also to listen, because even at 56 I still want to grow and my real realisation this year is I cannot – and choose not to – do this alone.

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